


Libraries Trees and Shipping

by Dr_Psyche



Series: Welcome to Homestuck [4]
Category: Homestuck, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-12
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 04:35:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1000964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Psyche/pseuds/Dr_Psyche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil talks about a date he and Carlos had, Rose talks a little about inspiration, Karkat is accosted by the Secret Police and Meulin wanders into the Whispering Forest. 2nd chapter is a conversation between trolls and not written like an episode. This episode was brought to you by Pennywise the Dancing Clown.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Broadcast

“A House sits there on the street, it’s windows vacant and it’s door slightly ajar. Is it your house? Will you enter it? No matter, Welcome To Night Vale.”

“Night Vale Transit authority has finally addressed the missing roads, they’ve set up detours to bypass the space where they once were located.”

“Larry Leroy, out at the edge of town, reported that he saw two trolls enter into Night Vale. One was male, short in stature with horns like nubs, and seemed to have a permanent scowl on him, Larry Leroy said he shouted a lot, calling him  HUMAN WITH THE DUMB BEARD. The other was female, taller, and with horns like cat-ears. She also shouted a lot, but from the symbols she made with her hands, Larry Leroy concluded that she was deaf. I’d like to welcome these two, and encourage them to buy our all of our overstocked Faygo, the City Council may have jumped the gun and ordered a lot having seen the trolls around recently.”

“The Female troll was last seen walking into the Whispering Forest. I do hope she finds peace there.”

“The male troll was last seen arguing with the Sheriff’s Secret Police. After being shot with poisonous darts he said  DAMN GAMZEE WAS RIGHT THESE DO HURT . And he proceeded to attack them with what appeared to be a sickle.”

“That aside, viewers I have another treat. With the Night Vale Private Library now open to the public, Carlos suggested we go there for another date, and it was the best. The whole thing was set up quite nicely, there was a catering room designated on the second floor, and a nice coffee shop installed. Marcus himself greeted all of us, his eyes glowing a pleasant violet. I wore a casual shirt and long pants, while Carlos wore one of his more studious lab coats. It was so fun walking through the expansive library, watching the children play in the children’s area without fear of a librarian hiding in wait. The book selection was amazing, and Carlos did enjoy the boxed set of Complacency of the Learned I gave him, autographed in blood of course. He said that, in spite of it being focused on magic, the scientific principles used in it were all accurate, and the dedicated to section makes it clear that the author’s friend, a Jade Harley, contributed heavily to them.”

“Now I would go on, but it seems our new intern Miranda is waving her hand across her throat in a ‘cut the feed’ gesture and is darting her eyes toward station management’s office, where strange noises are emanating from. I will stop talking about my date and move onto the news… for now.”

“Speaking of Marcus, he’s started another cancer fund, and donated money to this. Get this listeners, it’s to stop cancer. Can you believe that? Since he is, of course Night Vale’s greatest citizen, it’s only right that we follow his example and pitch in.”

“Larry Leroy, out on the edge of town, called in and told me what happened to the cat-like female troll. He followed her into the forest, hoping to sell her some of the Faygo, which really is overcrowding our stores, and could bring down local businesses considering that they were ordered to buy as many as possible, and heard the trees talking to her. In their gender ambiguous voices, they said.

“Hi Meulin, you look really good, we like your skirt, it’s quite nice. Your sweater looks lovely as well, and you’re horns make you look adorable.”

“Larry Leroy said that the troll, and her name seemed to be Meulin, looked as if they hadn’t said anything to her, and began scratching at the trees with some claws she had.”

“Larry Leroy said that the trees released agonized shrieking noises as she carved a heart into one tree, and inside the heart read “John & Vriska.” She moved to another tree and carved another heart with more words in it “Rose & Kanaya.” She then moved onto more of the trees in the Whispering Forest and carved more hearts and names, oblivious to their agonized cries and attempts to turn her into a tree as well.”

“The other troll, with the unpleasant demeanor, has sealed himself inside the abandoned Barry’s Meat and Greet. The Sheriff’s Secret Police are trying to lure him out with the promise of Faygo, but he has said, in quite frank and colorful language I cannot, in good conscious, repeat on the radio, that we could take the colored flavored drinks and consume it through our rear ends.”

“The representative to the Sheriff’s Secret Police that I communicated with, reported that the windows are still Bullet Proof, and there is still enough preserved meat to last a month. ‘We really dragged our feet with the cleanup process, and didn’t bother even turning off the utilities.’ He said, ‘You know how it is, you spend all your time trying to confiscate stuff, and you instead get distracted by the little things, tickets, beatings, and bribes from local business.’ He then left to go shoot darts, ineffectively at the store.”

“In other news, the sheer amount of money that all businesses have spent on Faygo has failed to turn a profit, and bankruptcy is threatened by all. The City Counsel is now making it mandatory to buy two bottles a day for double the price. Get to it Listeners.”

“Enough News, back to the date. Carlos and I enjoyed our little walk around the library. He found a number of Big Complex books to check out, and later give to his science team. We admired a complex maneuver and deployment of the Sheriff’s Secret Police onto an apartment complex, from the floor to ceiling windows of the library. Carlos liked the State of the Art air-conditioning System, keeping the books nice and cool from the hot dessert air, which still isn’t as hot as it should be, Carlos and his team are still working on it. The cool air and the smell of books, fresh and new smelling, because Marcus really didn’t use them, framed the memory in my mind. I showed Carlos some of my favorite books as a child, like the Grimm Fairytales, and Han Christian Anderson’s Little Mermaid. I was disappointed that the children’s movie neglected to cut out her tongue, or let her die and face oblivion if she didn’t serve, but such is the way of all adaptations. I told him of “Sun Moon and Talia,” a beautiful story that rings true till this day. I remember “The Tinderbox,” another beautiful story of a heroic soldier who stood up to all the trouble against him. Killing a witch and taking her stuff as his, as well as destroying a government because they tried to hang him, and all he was doing was stealing their princess every-night. Carlos told me that his parents read him “Strega Nona,” a book about a witch with a magic pasta pot and incompetent assistant. It reminded me of the last Italian Festival we had, where the fettuccini came to life and ate three people.”

“At one we sat down for the Q and A, there were many folding chairs set up in the main area. Miss Lalonde was wearing a lovely black long sleeve dress, with purple sash and angry squid on the front. Her companion wore a long red skirt and a plain black shirt with a green Virgo sign on it. Miss Lalonde had Marcus appear and personally serve us food, by tapping her knitting needle, or wand of eldritch power, on the table. Doing so, I could see her complexion darken, becoming grey, especially around the eyes, while her companion looked at her with worry, actually no, not worry, concern.

“She told us a wonderful little story involving a god killing monster and twelve evil children, which inspired her work. She’s almost finished a new book, but she’s going to keep it under wraps. When asked about her more adult fiction, she cryptically said that it was inspired through personal experience. She then exchanged a glance with her companion, whose face turned a shade of Jade Green, and Miss Lalonde rubbed a mark on her neck which looked suspiciously like a double puncture wound.”

“This reminds me, The Greater Night Vale Medical Community would like to remind you to show up for your mandatory inoculations. This week’s special, silvery liquid that goes into you’re spinal cord, summons will appear pasted to your door and written in sweat and tears.”

“I asked if she would do an interview with me and she agreed to do it next week, I was overjoyed.”

“After the Rest of the Q and A was finished, Carlos and I helped ourselves to the catering. I plucked a chocolate covered strawberry and popped it into his mouth. He smiled, chewed slowly, then he did the same, chocolate smeared a bit on my lip, and we laughed a little. After that-“

“Hold on, it seems I have a message from Intern Miranda, ah Larry Leroy, and several other concerned citizens, have entered the Whispering forest, and examined the carvings which now appear to decorate all the trees, all of them, he said. Which seemed quite redundant, but whatever. The collective intelligence that is the Whispering Forest has hearts on each tree and two names in each heart. They are as followed:

“Dave & Terezi”

“Karkat & Terezi”

“Jade & Karkat”

“Jade & Dave”

“Vriska & Kanaya”

“Vriska & Tavros”

“Gamzee & Tavros”

“Tavros & Dave”

“Sollux & Feferi”

“Sollux & Aradia”

“Aradia & Equius”

“Equius & Nepeta This one seemed to be written inside a diamond and had the word OTP written under it, I don’t know what it means, but I believe that its connotations are sinister.

“John & Dave” Though Larry Leroy told me this was crossed out and the words “Not a Homosexual” were written under it.

“There are more names, much more which are being photo graphed and sent to my phone. Oh, I almost forgot to give you folks a word from our sponsor, due to the incident with last week’s weather, Station Management has removed this week’s, I am so sorry.”

“Parents, is it your kid’s birthday time and you need some entertainment? What will you do, hire a magician? A flame juggler? One of the Hooded Figures? Well, I say, hire a clown, hire Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Pennywise offers the whole big shebang, streamers, balloons, many balloons, so many balloons, you don’t even know. These balloons float! Not those mouth blown balloons that sag to the ground, no these ones will float.  “They all Float.”  Pennywise also comes with reality altering powers, he can make floors move, extend showerheads, and even shape shift into a giant spider, for all tarantula related birthdays. And when the birthday’s done, cleanup is a blast, he will even eat your child for you! What a bargain! Now, for a limited time, Pennywise is offering a bargain in his services, note deal only applies in Maine, and he will show up with a few Langoliers in tow. Remember parents, if you want to make your kid’s birthday special, call Pennywise.”

“They all float.” 

“The Doctor & The Master”

“Lily & James Potter”

“Kurt & Blaine”

“Harry & Hermione”

“Ron & Hermione”

“Harry & Ginny”

“Rose & The Doctor”

“Rory & Amy”

“Zuko & Katara”

“Aang & Katara”

“Zuko & Aang”

“Suki & Sokka”

“Oh look, there’s one of Carlos and I, oh that reminds me, back to the date.”

“I checked out a book on cat care, for our dear Khoshehk, the one at the public library I had to use to distract a librarian and make my getaway. Carlos walked me to the observation deck at the top of the library, and we stared at the sunset, the sky losing its indigo and gaining its void. I sighed, putting my head on his shoulder. His hair, perfect as usual, brushed against my nose, and I giggled a bit.”

“We smiled at each other, but we had to go, because more librarians had assaulted the main entrance seeking revenge for their early defeat.”

“Marcus Vansten, his eyes still glowing a brilliant purple, charged one, and delivered a punch that sent it hurtling across the room. He really is Night Vale’s greatest citizen. I smiled at Carlos, watching as he bashed a librarian over the head with a folded up chair, after that we joined hands, and I asked if he was in the mood for some dessert.”

“He said that, yes he was, but perhaps we should do something about all the librarians.”

“I said nah, and pointed to Miss Lalonde, who had summoned some sort of pinkish-purple-cat-like-tentacle-princess-creature which was grabbing and tossing out librarians as fast as they came in. She then fought off the ones in the building with her needles, possibly wands of eldritch power, her complexion darkening with every use. Her companion aided her with her chainsaw, which I swear was just a tube of lipstick just a while ago.”

“He shrugged, and we left, Marcus body slamming one of the librarians and bid us a good-bye.”

“We walked into the cool night air, we could hear the cicada’s making noise, and then stopping as they had to tear each other apart.”

“The Midnight All Night Diner was still open, and we sat down, ordering some Lemon Meringue pie. Carlos said that he enjoyed our date, and that, while he didn’t think we’d be allowed back into the Private library, he was happy that the time spent there was with me. Perhaps it was the light from the moon, which had risen early, or the light from a fire that had mysteriously consumed the Public Library, but the light caught Carlos’s eyes, and everything, in that singular moment, was perfect. We ate our Key Lime pie, paid for it, and took a walk together. We passed by Miss Lalonde’s companion, carrying her home. Miss Lalonde looked really tired, and her companion smiled kindly at us. We waved at her, as she left, followed by the pinkish-purple-cat-like-tentacle-princess-creature. It was a beautiful and tranquil night, but alas it had to end because of the enforced curfew.”

“And that was my date night listeners. There really is no other news today, The Sheriff’s Secret Police have since raided Barry’s Meat and Greet, only to find it empty. Upon questioning the representative said ‘fine, we’ll shut the place down and confiscate everything are you happy? Jeez, you people expect too much.’ The other troll was last seen in the forest, continually carving in pairing names.”

“And, I’m afraid that’s a rap. The two side-shows, Lil’ Gideon and The Mystery Shack Mobile Edition, will be arriving tomorrow. Perhaps we’ll do a report on them. Perhaps we’ll do a report on the mysterious rash people seem to develop in the middle of the night. Perhaps we’ll cover the Whispering Forest, and it’s newly added markings, maybe we’ll find the sinister implications behind the phrase Oh Tee Pee.”

“Or perhaps, just perhaps, they’ll be time for a story about you… Miss Maryam.”

“Good night Night Vale, good night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Night-Vale is a production of Commonplace Books. It is Written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Kramer and produced by Joseph Fink. The Voice of Night-Vale is Cecil Baldwin. I own none of it.
> 
> Today’s weather was preempted because the strange forces that run the studio threatened to consume the staff if anything was played. It seems they really hated that previous song. Intern Miranda has conveyed these grievances until staff all realized that she was a shared hallucination brought on by the Station Management, possibly to torment them.
> 
> The Ships expressed here are not necessarily the ships of the author.
> 
> Today’s Proverb: Should the Squeaky Wheel get the grease? Did it earn the grease? Do not give into the wheel’s squeaks, cut it off and be done with it, weakness is not rewarded.


	2. Troll Texts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat Meulin and Kanaya communicate through texts of their various positions.

MEULIN began texting Karkat

(=^oo^=): HI KARCAT, I’VE FOUND THIS PURRITTY FOREST. ITS SO MYSTERIOUS AND BIG, IM GOING TO CARVE MY SHIPS IN HERE. ALSO, DO YOU SHIP CECIL AND KEVIN BLACKWAYS OR CECIL AND STEVE. KURLOZ GAVE ME ARGUMENTS ON BOTH, AND IT’S STUMPED HIM. CECIL AND STEVE HAVE MORE HISTORY BUT KEVIN AND CECIL HAVE MORE OF A PAWRADOX THING.

MEULIN FOR FUCKS SAKE I. DO. NOT. CARE. IM GOING TO TALK TO THESE HUMANS IN THE STUPID MASKS AND CAPES.

(=^00^=): OKAY BI KARCAT.

MEULIN ceased texting KARKAT

Later

KARKAT began texting MEULIN

HOLY SHIT, THESE NOOK-SUCKING FUCKERS ARE SHOOTING DARTS AT ME. THESE REALLY FUCKING HURT!

(=^..^=): KARCAT, HAVE YOU S33N KANYANA ANYWHERE YET?

NO I FUCKING HAVE NOT. THESE SONS OF BITCHES TRIED TO SELL ME FAYGO, SO MUCH FUCKING FAYGO, I TOLD THEM TO PISS OFF BUT THEY SAID IT WAS THE LAW. I TOLD THEM TO PISS OFF EVEN MORE AND THEY SHOT ME WITH DARTS, FUCK THESE THINGS HURT. GAHHH, OKAY IVE PULLED OUT THE LAST ONE. IM HIDING IN ONE OF THOSE SHOPS THEY CUT UP MILK AND SLOP BEASTS… FUCK THEY’VE SURROUNDED ME.

(=^--^=): HEY, DO THE DOCTOR AND THE MASTER GO TOGETHER RED, KURLOZ THINKS THEY GO BLACK, BUT I DON’T KNOW.

MEULIN IM SURROUNDED BY EVIL HUMAN LAW ENFORCEMENT, AND ALL YOU CAN FUCKING THINK ABOUT ARE SHIPS ASFSADJLKAFJSLJFLAS

(=^00^=): OOH, THE ASDFJKL REACTION, YOU HAVE F33LS TO?

KARKAT ceased texting MEULIN

KANAYA began texting KARKAT

From The Man On The Radio Whose Attitude To This Town I Find Ignores The Greater Wrongs Here I Can Safely Assume That You Have Aggravated the Local Law Enforcement And Have Taken Refuge Within A Human Beast Cutting Shop

OH WAS IT THAT FUCKING OBVIOUS?

Karkat Beware Of These Humans Their Concept Of Justice Is Worse Than Alternias

NOTED, THEY SHOT ME WITH THESE POISON DARTS, WHAT DO I DO.

Nothing With Our Copious Alien Blood These Human Toxins Cannot Overtake Us And Do Damage As They Would To Regular Humans

CAN YOU COME AND GET ME? CUT THROUGH THESE ASSHOLES OR SOMETHING.

…

KANAYA?

… Sorry Karkat Ive Got Something Here

WHAT? KANAYA THERE ARE LIKE, 30 FUCKING GUYS OUT THERE

Karkat Im Very Sorry But Its Rose She Is Showing Signs Similar To How She Described Her Grimdark Phase I Think Its This Place

Shes Thrashing About

Jaspers And I Don’t Know What To Do

FINE

Pardon

YOU KNOW WHAT KANAYA? DEAL WITH ROSE. THESE ARE JUST CRAZY HUMANS WITH SHARP DARTS, A SHITHIVE MAGGOTS HUAN WITH DARK MAGIC IS PROBABLY WORSE.

Karkat Are You Sure

SHE NEEDS YOU.

KARKAT ceased texting KANAYA

MEULIN began texting KANAYA

(=^##^=): HI KANYANYA!

Hello Meulin What Brings You To This Town

(=^##^=): KURLOZ AND THE REST OF THE JUGGALOS ARE IN THE NEXT MEOWN FOR A CEREMONY, SO I CAME HERE TO S33 THE CAT IN THE MALE LOAD GAPER ROWROOM. ALSO SO MY BLOOD WOULDN’T ADORN THE JUGGALO TEMPLE.

Indeed A Perfectly Valid Reason

(=^..^=): ARE YOU STILL WITH ROSE? IS JASPERS THERE?

Yes Rose Is With Me Ive Put Her To Bed But She Is Still Thrashing About And Speaking In Tongues

Jaspers Is Trying To Restrain Her

Now It Seems Her Eyes Are Crying Some Black Liquid and Her Skin Is Getting more Grey.

(=^00^=): DID YOU TRY BITING HER AND TRYING TO SUCK THE STUFF OUT.

I… Have Not Tried That Do You Think That The Problem Is In Her Blood

(=^o_o^=): I DON’T KNOW IM JUST TRYING TO THINK OF WHAT PURRIM WOULD DO.

Um… Well… I Will Try Then

(=^00^=): BYE KANYANA!!!

Good Bye Meulin

MEULIN ceased texting KANAYA

KARKAT began texting MEULIN

DAMMIT MEULIN I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO GET ME OUT OF THIS. CAN YOU TRY AND BEAT THESE GUYS?

(=^##^=): KARKAT IS YOUR PALE QUADRANT OPEN, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF SOLLUX.

MEULIN, I AM ABOUT TO BE CULLED BY CRAZY HUMANS IN SHITTY MASKS. I DO NO CARE ABOUT SHIPPING!!!!

(=^--^=): HAVE YOU TRIED HIDING IN THE CARCASSES?

THE FUCK WOULD I… WAIT WHAT?

(=^--^=): SIMPLE, CUT INTO ONE OF THE BIG CARCASSES OF THE BEASTS HANGING AROUND THE SHOP AND SLIP IN. ITS FUN AND WARM, EVEN IF ITS MESSY. ALSO IT MAKES YOUR SCENT HIDDEN WITH ALL THE BLOOD AND MEAT SO YOU CAN AMBUSH ANY MORE PREY THAT COMES ALONG.

…HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?

(=^00^=): ITS PURFECTLY OBVIOUS.

OKAY, I’M GOING TO TRY THAT…

OH… OH GOG, IT’S EVERYWHERE, THIS IS DISGUSTING, UGH,

OKAY, IM IN, CLOSING THE MEAT UP… I CAN’T BREATH, THIS STINKS SO MUCH.

(=^00^=): NOW SIT AND WAIT FOR THE HUMANS TO PURASS BY.

GOD THIS WAS A FUCKING STUPID IDEA

(=^8_8^=): GLAD I COULD HELP.

MEULIN ceased texting KARKAT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mixing finding cat puns and making Meulin's faces so both aren't repetitive is harder than I thought, ah well.
> 
> Bonus Proverb: The Pen is mightier than the Sword. The Pen knows this, and so does the Sword, the Sword lives in fear every day knowing that soon, one day, the Pen will strike it down. The Pen knows this too, and it plots.


End file.
